You know what I’d really like to see?
Just once, instead of an endless round of ‘commentary’ (i.e. complaint) about girl’s toys being excessively pink/glittery/fashion-oriented/otherwise stereotypically feminine, I would like to see somebody complaining that we don’t see more BOYS in ads for pink/glittery/fashion-oriented/stereotypically feminine things.
My second thought on reading this article about a 62 year old male who’s been arrested for wearing a short skirt in the presence of children was: what on earth harm is it going to do those children to see male legs in a skirt? What, it might give the little boys the idea that they too could wear skirts? God forbid. *eyeroll*
But my FIRST thought was: I wonder how this person would be treated if they were young. Cause you know, I’ve noticed older tgirls often get condemned for doing *exactly the same things* as people ooh and ahh over in younger ones. A 23 year old male in a miniskirt has folks going “oo, so pretty!” but a 65 year old in the same damned skirt gets branded a creep.
And my third thought - notice how it’s a WOMAN bringing down the wrath of society on this person? Can you say invisible privilege?
This is one of those areas of discussion in which I tend to look around at other women and go “WTF? Are we living on the same planet?”
There is this cultural trope that there’s a huge lack of hot guys in porn. Maybe it’s because the kind of guys I prefer are often not conventionally good-looking, but it’s always been obvious to me that porn actors aren’t plain or ordinary looking at all. Don’t believe me? Try this experiment: go anyplace where a lot of porn might be gathered, and actually LOOK at what is offered. How many of the men pictured:
And that don’t even begin to scratch the surface of things like penis size, wrinkles, moles & blemishes, and the myriad of other bodily details that we judge masculine beauty by. The fact is, the guys who work in porn are not “unattractive” at all. They are above average in looks just like the women are.
This noxious bit of bullshit bothers me more and more every time I hear it. And ESPECIALLY when I hear it coming from the mouths of women who bitch & moan about impossible beauty standards for women. Because seriously, how poisonously hypocritical is it to do the EXACT thing to someone else that you are complaining about being done to you…and then pretend that you’re not even doing it?
(Source: soccerdomme)
“Because ‘vanity’ is riddled with issues of self-doubt, insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. It’s an interesting aspect of feminist analyses of ‘women’s objectification’, that they portray women’s desperate desire to ‘keep young and beautiful’ as the result of outside pressures, of the oppressive ‘male gaze’ and of ‘patriarchy’. But men are seen to be bringing their problems on themselves with their own ‘vanity’ and ‘macho’ desire to seem strong and ‘manly’.” - from ‘The Mirror Cracked’ by QRG writing for The Good Men Project
I’ve hung out with lots of men, and I’ve hung out with lots of women. And because I often can’t think of anything to say - I have no opinion, no interest, and/or I have no idea what kind of response people are looking for - I generally keep my mouth shut and listen. And what *I* have noticed is that men, in general, think most women are beautiful. (And by beautiful I mean shaggable.)
Women I’ve known, on the other hand, have tended to be much more critical of anything that strays from the tall, toned, and above all masculine ideal.
I’ve also noticed that while women talk about their bodily insecurities a lot, the men I’ve known are equally plagued with them & hindered by them. I’ve known LOTS of guys who will wear nothing but baggy clothes…refuse to wear anything (color, print, style) that might stand out or draw attention to them…refuse to wear shorts…refuse to go swimming (because they’d have to wear a bathing suit)…and more. Men loathing their bodies & feeling they don’t live up to masculine “beauty” standards seems to me to be every bit as common as women loathing their bodies.
And from what I’ve seen there is far, far less support or encouragment for men to break away from those inhibitions. So little support that most men can’t even TALK ABOUT their insecurities in any but the safest, most intimate contexts.
So the question I have to ask myself is…which gender here is oppressing the other(s)? Is it really true, or helpful, to frame this as “patriarchy oppressing women” when it’s apparent that EVERYONE is both judge and judged?
Why is it that rape is considered so much worse than other forms of assault?
What is it about rape that is so much more heinous & damaging than, say, getting stabbed, or pushed to the ground and kicked until your ribs are broken?
Could it have anything to do with the idea that only women are the victims of rape, only men the perpetrators? With the idea that women are more fragile (and more morally pure) than men? With the idea that real men don’t cry…don’t admit their hurt…don’t feel hurts as profoundly women do?
You know, I WANT to be wholeheartedly in favor of Kitty Stryker’s Andro-Aperture Project. I think she’s a way cool chick & has a great eye for creating hot smut. I agree with the principles that the world could use more imagery of the sort she is looking for, and that it’d be swell to encourage more men to be performers and more women to be makers of porn.
Where she loses me is with all the talk of how “female” gazes are this that and the other, and soooo different from “male” gazes.
From a purely philosophical perspective I don’t see how this can be anything other than gender essentialist bullshit. The whole idea of a “female gaze” in porn equates the shape of your genitals with BOTH your gender AND your porn viewing preferences. And if making such an equation in any other area would be challenged as BS (and most likely by people like Kitty!) then why on earth should I accept it just because it comes from the ‘feminist’ camp?
My instinctive dislike of projects like this isn’t based solely on this philosophical objection however. I have a more personal stake in it. Namely, that I am a WOMAN, with a factory-standard female pussy, who has been enjoying and even ~BUYING~ porn for herself for two and a half decades.*
To a person like me, projects like this send the message that I must not be TRULY ‘female’; that I don’t qualify as a really real woman since my “gaze” isn’t like all the other female’s gazes. That, moreover, I’m a bad girl since I’m not actively offended by the nature of existing porn or the (alleged) lack of a certain sort of imagery.
So yeah, my gut reaction is, shall we say, negative.
That said…after having been on the business end of these things for a while I can now recognize that what is really going on here is not about the content of the images at all. If it were, then all these women who are (allegedly) longing for hot pictures of beautiful men would be out there consuming scads of gay porn, or coaching the thousands of guys who send unsolicited dick pics in how to take better ones. (Talk about porn intended for women!) No, what this is about is MARKETING: framing the produced images in such a way as to seduce buyers who have been told their entire lives that they couldn’t possibly like/buy porn, for one reason or another.
This is an issue that has been much on my mind recently. You see, the porn I make would qualify as feminist porn by almost any standard.** For various reasons I’ve avoided marketing my smut as “feminist” or “ethical” porn. And this is a decision I am currently reconsidering.
So anyway. It may be true that there’s an under-served market for a certain sort of porn. Insisting that’s it’s a “female” thing is a whole ‘nother story, and one that I find deeply problematic. Which totally doesn’t mean I would try and shut it down, or that I wouldn’t shoot for the Ando-Aperture project if I got the chance.
p.s. I voted “Other” in the survey, and noted that I like tall, gangly and decidedly not masculine guys. ;p
* Hell, I buy more porn than my husband does!
** Any standard that doesn’t require a knee-jerk condemnation of forced femme play. Bitchy Jones would still hate my smut. :p